Jak II: The Musical Extravaganza
by Jak II Freak
Summary: This is what Jak II would be like (kind of) if it were a cheesy, low-budget Broadway musical. Includes some popuplar, and rather UNPOPULAR, songs. Rated 13 because of some..errrrrr..., bad words.
1. Act One Scene One

All the songs used in this "musical" are copyrighted to their original singer/lyricist/producer-dude, whatever. They may not be used without permission…like I just did! And Jak II is copyrighted by Naughty Dog, Sony, and all that other gaming company crap.

* * *

**Narrator**: Jak II was a great game. It was funny, kind of sad, rather short… Wouldn't it be great if they made a movie or show out of it…or a Broadway musical? Actually, that would be really weird. So is this idea that was created by the author, while she was listening to her Shrek 2 soundtrack! Enjoy!

--ACT ONE--

--SCENE ONE--

[Current opens. Samos, young Jak, Keira, and Daxter are seen in front of Samos's house (which also has a huge Precursor Ring in front of it), with a contraption known as the RIFT RIDER…BUM BUM BUUUM!!!]

**Samos**: Jak, Keira, Daxter? Are you prepared for whatever happens? For we have just created the rift rider, and we are ready to see what that Precursor Ring does!

**Daxter**: _We_ created the rift rider? You mean I did… Well, I mean Jak and I did. You guys did nothing!

**Keira**: You guys did a good job! I bet there's a whole new world out there, waiting for us to discover it!

**Daxter**: A whole new world? Pah, I doubt it. The only place this thing's gonna take us is back up to that freaking annoying Geyser Mountain place with those freaking annoying snakes and lurkers. God, I hate lurkers!

**Samos**: Well, we will never know what is coming from us if we don't leave this bogus, dumb hick Sandover Village. Get in the car, kids!

(Daxter, Jak, Samos, and Keira jump into the rift rider.)

**Daxter**: If this thing takes us anywhere related to more boring adventuring, I quit.

**Keira**: But Daxter, it's a whole new world!

(Keira bursts into rapturous melody.)

I can show you the world,

Shining, shimmering, splendid.

Tell me, Daxter, now when did

You last let your heart decide?

**Daxter**: Woah, what the hell are you on?

**Keira**:

I can open your eyes,

Take you wonder by wonder!

Over, sideways, and under,  
On a crappy rift rider ride!

**Samos**:

A whole new world!

A new fantastic point of view!

No one to tell us no,

Or where to go,

Or say we're only dreaming!

**Daxter**: God, not you too!

(Jak rolls his eyes. The mute also doesn't want to hear this bullcrap. He punches the red button on the rift rider, and it starts to react violently with the Precursor Ring 'splayed in front of them. The rift rider starts hovering in the air. Keira looks down towards the ground.)

**Keira**:

A whole new world:

A dazzling place I never knew!

But when I'm way up here,

It's crystal clear,

That now I'm going to a whole new world with you!

…Now I'm going to a whole new world with YOU!!!

**Daxter**: Jeez, these two are getting on my fuggin' nerves!

(Daxter frantically starts pushing all the buttons. Alluva sudden, a huge, butt-ugly monster pops its disgusting head out of the Precursor Ring!)

**Monster**: RAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

**Daxter**: What the hell is that thing!

(Samos stares forward with wide eyes of fright, still singing!)

**Samos**:

U-u-unbelievable sights!

(He points at the monster.)

Indescribable fuh-fuh-feelings!

Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling

Through an e-e-e-endless diamond sky!

**Monster**: …

(The monster lunges towards the rift rider a bit, in hopes to distract them. He also sends many little flying monster-y thingies flying out into the sky.)

**Daxter**: WILL YOU GUYS CUT THE CRAP FOR JUST A FREAKING SECOND? WE'RE ABOUT TO DIE HERE!

**Keira**:

A whole new world!

(Daxter sighs and bangs the dashboard.)

**Keira**:

Don't you dare close your eyes!

A hundred thousand things to see!  
Hold your breath - it gets better;  
I'm like a shooting star!  
We've come so far,  
We can't go back to where we used to be!

(Jak growls silently and pushes some random buttons. The rift rider zooms past the monster and into the Precursor Ring, sending them into a TIME WARP!!!)

**Daxter**: What the fluck was that thing??

**Samos**: Oh, Daxter, you know what it was!

**Daxter**: I do??

**Keira**: It was…

A WHOLE NEW WORLD!!

Every turn, a surprise!

With new horizons to pursue,

Every moment red-letter!

I'll chase that thing anywhere,

With time to spare!

Let me share this whole new world with you!

(Alluva sudden, a huge lightning bolt smashes into the rift rider and the cheesy piece of crap shatters into a million pieces; Jak and his crew fly out of the car.)

**Keira**: KYAAAAAH!!

**Daxter**: Thank God! Your singing freaking SUUUUUUUUUUCKED…!!!

**Samos**: Find yourself, Jak! That's the worst advice I can give you!

**Keira**: He doesn't need to find himself, Daddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

**Samos**: Whyyyyyyyyyyyy?!

**Keira**: Because…

A WHOLE NEW WORLD!!!

That's where we'll be!

A thrilling chase,

A wondrous place,

For you and meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…!

(They all disappear. Exeunt.)

* * *

[The screen fades to whiteness, and then to blackness…and then it opens to another landscape, this one with more futuristic, including flying cars, anything you can think of being metal, freaking annoying civilians, and a beautiful sky. Jak and Daxter fall from the sky onto the metal ground.]

**Daxter**: That's the last time I ever, EVER, hang around KEIRA and her annoying singing CRAP!!!

**Disembodied Voice**: Move in!

(Suddenly, two soldiers adorned in red armor, led by some guy with weird, blown-back spiky hair, come over and stare at Jak and Daxter.)

**Soldier**: Step away from the animal!

**Daxter**: Well, I'm already starting to hate this musical. First I have to endure Keira's singing from hell, and now I'm getting arrested?!

(Daxter runs.)

**Daxter**: KYAAAAAAAH!!!!

**Wind-blown Guy**: Forget the rat. The Baron wants him!

(WBG stares at Jak and grins.)

**Wind-blown Guy**: We've been waiting for you!

(Jak, thinking anything is better than looking for that wretch Keira, and her psycho-father, stands absolutely still as one of the soldiers takes his gun and smacks the piss out of him. Jak falls down, obviously unconscious. The screen turns black.)

**Daxter's Voice**: Don't worry, buddy! I'll get you out of there in no time! Actually…since Keira is kind of woo-woo! about you, I think…maybe I won't…

[Exeunt.]


	2. Act One Scene Two

--ACT ONE--

--SCENE TWO--

The time…is two years later from the scene before. Jak, still in the hands of the Baron, has spent two years in his…jail…but it's really more like a torture chamber. He had fowl experiments conducted on him these past years; the Baron has been injecting him with the murderous DARK ECO!! BUM BUM BUM!!!! But he's an adult now, and that's good…or is it? We now open the curtain to see Jak in his cell, which is constantly guarded by a lone Krimzon Guard, the elite soldiers of the new land he has stumbled upon.

**Jak**: ….

(He paces around the small jail cell.)

**Jak**: It's has been two years since that fateful day in Sandover Village. Damn that Keira! If it weren't for her and her singing from Hell, I wouldn't be in here!

(Jak sighs, growing angry just thinking about it.)

**Jak**: And where is Daxter anyway? Stupid lying rat. He said he would be here ages ago!

(He growls, getting madder and madder.)

**Jak**: It's not fair that I should be the one in prison, after I just saved everyone's butts from Maia and Gol in the last adventure. They…didn't do…_anything_! Just sat on their…lazy… W-w-what's wrong with me?! Why am I so angry…? I would have never said that stuff normally!

(He grunts.)

**Jak**: Why does my head hurt so much?

(Jak, now clutching his cranium, slowly makes it over to the mirror facing the back wall of the cell. He glances into it. Then pauses. Then screams.)

**Jak**: AAAARRRRRRRGH!!!!!

(The Krimzon Guard sitting in front of Jak's cell immediately gets up, wielding a large, three-pronged gun known as a shock rod rifle.)

**Krimzon Guard**: That's it buddy, I'm tired of you always talking to yourself like you are some kind of schizophr—HOLY SHI…

(Jak looks at the Krimzon Guard with a sad look on his face. But something is different about our depressed hero! His skin has turned into a grayish, metallic white. His normally blue oculars are now black and colorless. Long, ebony claws jut out from his fingers. His yellowish hair is now silvery. The headache can now be explained by the twin black horns protruding into the air from the top of his head.)

**Jak**:

Still don't know what I was looking for,

And my time was running wild.

A million dead-end streets and

Every time I got it made,

It seemed the taste was not so sweet.

So I turned myself to face me,

But I've never caught a glimpse

Of how the others must see the faker.

I'm much too fast to take that test!

**Krimzon Guard**: Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

**Jak**: Turn and face the strain!

**Krimzon Guard**: Ch-ch-changes!

**Jak**: Don't want to be a richer man…

**Krimzon Guard**: Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

**Jak**: Turn and face the strain!

**Krimzon Guard**: Ch-ch-changes!

**Jak**:

Just gonna have to be a different man.

Time may change me,

But I can't trace time!

**Krimzon Guard**:

I watch the ripples change their size,  
But never leave the stream  
Of warm impermanence.  
So the days float through my eyes,  
But still the days seem the same!  
And these children that you spit on,  
As they try to change their worlds,  
Are immune to your consultations.  
They're quite aware of what they're going through!

**Jak** **and the Krimzon Guard**:

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!  
Turn and face the strain!  
Ch-ch-changes!  
Don't tell them to grow up and out of it!  
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!  
Turn and face the strain!  
Ch-ch-changes!

**Krimzon Guard**: Where's your shame?

**Jak**:

You've left us up to our necks in it!

Time may change me…

**Krimzon Guard**: But you can't trace time!

(From behind the stage curtains, the stage crew tosses Jak and the Krimzon Guard some umbrellas. They take these and start doing a little puddle dance with them in the prison!)

**Jak** **and the Krimzon Guard**:

Strange fascination fascinating me!

Ah, the changes are taking the pace I'm going through!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!  
Turn and face the strain!  
Ch-ch-changes!  
Ooh, look out, you rock and rollers!  
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!  
Turn and face the strain!  
Ch-ch-changes!

**Krimzon Guard**: Pretty soon now, you're gonna get a little madder!

**Jak**:

Time may change me,

But I can't trace time!

I said that time may change me…

(A drum solo occurs.)

**Jak**: But I can't trace time…

(The song is over. Jak sighs, seeing that his appearance has gone back to normal, and paces in his cell once more. The Krimzon Guard goes back to um…well…guarding.)

**Jak**: Well, maybe if I can't change time or myself, perhaps I can change my destiny. I don't want to die living in this forsaken cell!

**Krimzon Guard**: Don't count on it, buddy. This cell is reinforced with the highest quality titanium. Security patrols all areas of this fortress, assisted by intelligence in the forms of machines and robots. Cameras of the smallest shape and form watch the place every second, minute, hour, day, month, and year. You're not going anywhere.

**Jak**: Aw, blow it out your rear!

(Suddenly, the door to the jail hall opens. The wind-blown guy from before is there, only now he is identified as Erol, and he is the Baron's second-in-command and is the leader of the entire Krimzon Guard. He strides over to Jak and smiles at him cruelly.)

**Erol**: Why, isn't it the Dark Eco freak? Enjoying your time in prison?

(He laughs at his really bad joke.)

**Jak**: Oh, you're a mouthful, Erol. But remember, you can't spell "slaughter" without spelling "laughter."

(Jak curls a fist in Erol's general direction, nodding his head and smiling a fake friendly smile. His eyes show the lethal truth of his saying.)

**Erol**: My, my, aren't we the angry one? Ready for yet another excruciating day of torture?

(Jak gets an idea in his head. This might be the very chance he could use to escape. His smile broadens…)

Exeunt. 


	3. Act One Scene Three

--ACT ONE--

--SCENE THREE--

The curtain opens to scene three. Jak has escaped the evil clutches of the Baron, with unlikely help from Daxter, who had appeared out of absolutely nowhere! Yay! Party!! They also escape that horrible prison. They're free. After falling out of the top window, they find themselves in the slums of the city.

**Jak**: I'm glad to finally be out of that freaking awful place and that freaking weird Erol.

**Daxter**: It's good to have you back too, old buddy!

**Jak**: …You too. Speaking of which, Daxter, where the hell were you all these years? I thought you were going to get me out "sooner than I know it"!

**Daxter**: Well, ummmm…

**Jak**: Awww, forget you!

(The two look around their strange surroundings. Many civilians are walking around, even though it's the dead of night. Krimzon Guards stand out amongst them in their red armor.)

**Jak**: It's kind of low around here. No one smiles. It's all gray and ugly. So unlike Sandover. I almost miss that dumb hick place.

(A random civilian male walks up to them, scoping them and shaking his head.)

**Civilian**: You guys obviously haven't been in Haven City very long. This place is absolutely wonderful!

**Daxter**: Are you bloody mad? What's so good about being under rule of some inane and insane Baron, being shot by Guards just because you did something wrong, and living in a metal box called Haven City?

**Civilian**: It's lovely. You must see the sights! The zoomer races, the beautiful motion-sensing turbo canons, and those delightful blue question marks!

**Jak**: YOU SICK FREAK.

**Civilian**: No…

(He starts to sing rather loudly and awfully.)

Everyday is a new day!

I'm thankful for every breath I take!

I won't take it for granted, so I learn from my mistakes!

It's beyond my control,

Sometimes it's best to let go

Whatever happens

In this lifetime!

So I trust in love!

You have given me a peace of mind!

**Jak and Daxter**: ….

**Civilian**: I… I FEEL SO ALIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!! FOR THE VERY FIRST TIIIIIIME!!!!!

(A bunch of people look at him.)

**Krimzon Guard**: You have ten seconds to cut out that god-awful singing.

(The civilian hugs the Krimzon Guard.)

**Civilian**: …I CAN'T DENY YOU!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL SO ALIVE!!!!!!!!

**Krimzon Guard**: ………..

**Civilian**: I…I FEEL SO ALIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!! FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME. AND I THINK I CAN FLY--

(He gets shot.)

**Daxter**: Hostile.

**Jak**: Ehhh, well, he kind of deserved that one.

**Daxter**: All too true, too!

**Jak**: But I'm still correct. This place is a living nightmare. The Baron needs to be thrown from power. And plus…I want to pay him back for what he did for me these two years.

**Daxter**: Which was…?

**Jak**: I…I can't say. It hurts me too much. Come on; let's try to find someone who can help us around here.

(They wander the cold streets of the city. While stupidly walking backwards, Jak bumps into some strange old man and some queer-looking little kid. The man is dressed in old blue robes and carries a staff. The kid is dressed in some overalls and a white shirt.)

**Old Man**: Hello, my fine friend, I am Kor! How can I help you?

**Jak**: Where the hell am I?

**Kor**: Why, you are in Haven City, which is ruled by Baron Praxis. Do you like Praxis?

**Jak**: HELL NO. I have just been in his prison for the past couple of years.

**Kor**: How horrible.

**Jak**: Why, yes it was…absolutely. I'm looking for some revenge. Tell me, old fart, how do you reach the Baron? Where does he live? I want him! I need him!

(A couple of nearby people look up and stare at Jak.)

**Daxter**: Okay, that's hitting it a little hard, buddy…

**Kor**: Heehee!

(The four shoot their heads upwards when they hear the sounds of armor clanking and booted footsteps. It's three Krimzon Guards. WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO OUR HEROES NOW?!)

**Kor**: Goddammit, Jak, now look what you've done!

**Krimzon Guard 1**: How dare you blaspheme our dear Baron! Die you sonuvabi--

**Krimzon Guard 2**: You guys are under arrest for harboring suspicious refugees anyway!

**Krimzon Guard 3**: Surrender and die!

**Daxter**: Okay, I'm not even going to say anything about that mentally-challenged saying. Oops, I already did.

(The guards start surrounding the four. The four friends prepare to get shocked like a fly in a fly zapper.)

**Kor**: Jak! Please save us from these Guards!

**Jak**: Come on, guys, is this how you treat tourists to the city? This is all just a big misunderstanding!

(They continue advancing on them.)

**Jak**: Please, stop.

**Kor**: It's not working…

**Jak**: You guys won't like me when I'm angry!

**Daxter**: Oh, come on Jak. You know darn well that democracy isn't the answer. Violence is! That's why this game is rated T for Teens.

(Jak isn't even listening anymore. Clutching his head, we see the horns sprout out and know immediately that he has turned into DARK JAK!!! DUN NA NUH NUHHHHH!!! He starts attacking them in violent rage!)

**Krimzon Guard 3**: KYAAAAAAAAH!!!

**Krimzon Guard 1**: Whoever told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice, Jerk…!

(Jak steps over the two guards' bodies, ebony claws dripping with flesh blood! Violent. He licks at it hungrily, turning his colorless oculars over to the remaining guard.)

**Dark Jak**: Any last words?

(The last guard looks down. Suddenly, she starts singing a rather ironic song.)

**Krimzon Guard 2:**

It starts with one thing, I don't know why!

It doesn't even matter how hard you try!

Keep in mind I designed this rhyme explain due time.

All I know time is a valuable thing.

Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings!

Watch it count down to the end of the day—the clock ticks life away…

It's so unreal…

(She points at Jak.)

You didn't look out below!  
Watch the time go right out the window!

Tryin' to hold on, didn't even know I wasted it all just to watch you go.

I kept everything inside,

Even though I tried, it all fell apart.

What it's meant to be will eventually be a memory of a time!!

**Daxter**: …

**Krimzon Guard**:

When I tried so hard, and got so far…

But in the end, IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER!!

I had to fall, to lose it all!

But in the end, it doesn't even matter!

**Daxter**: You're right. It didn't even matter. You were going to die anyway! Now stop being all dramatic!

**Krimzon Guard**:

One thing, I don't know why,

It doesn't even matter how hard you try!

I designed this rhyme to remind myself how I tried so hard…

**Kor**: But you didn't even try hard—

**Krimzon Guard**:

Despite the way you were mocking me,

Acting like I was part of your property,

Remembering all the times you fought with me,

I'm surprised it got so far!

**Daxter**: But we just got her—

**Krimzon Guard**:

Things aren't the way they were before!  
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore!  
Not that you knew me back then, but it all comes back to me in the end...

**Kor**: You're right, we didn't know you back then—

**Krimzon Guard**:

YOU KEPT EVERYTHING INSIDE,  
And even though I tried, it all fell apart!  
What it meant to be, will eventually, be a memory of a time!

When I tried so hard,  
And got so far,  
But in the end, it doesn't even matter…  
I had to fall, to lose it all!  
But in the end, it doesn't even matter…

(She falls to her knees and looks up towards the sky.)

I've put my trust in you!  
Pushed as far, as I can go!!  
For all this,  
There's only one thing you should know…

**Daxter**: That you're a freak of nature?

**Kor**: That you're annoying as all get-out?

**Krimzon Guard**: You idiots, weren't you listening to my song?

**Daxter**: Well, after you kept interrupting us after the third or fourth time, I just kind of droned out—

**Krimzon Guard**:  
I tried so hard!!  
And got so far!!  
But in the end, it doesn't even matter!!!  
I had to fall, to lose it all!!!!!  
But in the end, it doesn't even MATTERRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

**Dark Jak**: Oh, just shut up and die!

(Rated AO for Adults Only violence occurs. Jak slowly reverts back to his regular person.)

**Daxter**: Well, that was pointless.

**Jak**: Yes… Yes, it was. But I don't understand. What's happening to me? It's the same crap that happened in the prison.

**Kor**: Hmmm, well, young chap, I was about to say before I was so rudely interrupted, that you should try checking out Torn in the far slums. He should be able to help you. He's the leader of the anti-baron association, the Underground.

**Daxter**: Thanks, gramps, we'll go check it out!

(Jak and Daxter run off down the street, anxious to go find some help for the rebellion against the baron.)

**Kor**: Goodbye, young'uns. We shall meet again. Like we did before…

(Jak hears this. He turns around halfway down the old, slummy alleyway. He looks for Kor and the kid, but by the time he finds the area where the old man and the dork kid were standing, the two were already gone.)

**Jak**: Odd…

Exeunt.

(P.S. - Thanks for the nice reviews! I couldn't find anything about plays...and I tried emailing the site a couple of days ago, but they still didn't reply...)


End file.
